Love network–Happy Telethon! And answers to the quiz (easiest quiz ever)

We’re about to settle down to some serious telethon viewing and JL adulation. Our local affiliate isn’t carrying it until tomorrow, so we’re watching WGN Chicago. I hate that the Love Network has shrunk(en) so much. I know time is more expensive now, the economy is bad, and all sorts of things factor into it, but less time on the air means less money. Maybe not. . . .

Although Jerry’s Love Network is smaller nowadays, mine keeps getting larger. And I’m grateful! My Love Network includes YOU, my readers. Happy Labor Day weekend and happy telethon!

Answers to the silly too-easy quiz from last entry under the cut.

Not graded-give yourself an A for being A_Cool_Person!

Friday fun for the pathetic dateless crew

Those of us who don’t have an actual Friday Night DATE are sitting here doing those cool forward-it-4-ever quizzes that come in your e-mail in fruity new flavors and twelve delicious colors. This one was pretty screwed up when it arrived in my in-box, but I correcetd hte spellling and fixed a few of the dumber answer choices. (I even sneaked in a Van Halen question.) You won’t do well if you’re a young whippersnapper, but then you aren’t reading the ‘net on Friday night if you are non-old and semi-good-lookin’. You actually got to go to the Eight-Ball All-Night Pool Hall! Maybe I can get hubby to take me after I post this. So good luck with the quiz. But if you’re not old enough to score well . . . or is that “score, well. . .”–oh, never mind–it’s just for fun.

Sherman, let’s get into the Wayback Machine

A. Okay, Mr. Peabody
B. Not on your life, you pervert
C. WTF is a Wayback Machine
D. As long as you don’t set it for 1492 again
E. Can I take Boo-Boo Bear?
F. Who you callin’ Sherman, white beagle?
G. I gotta go to the bathroom first

Name the Fab Four!

A. John, Pete, George, Ringo
B. Micky, Davy, Mike, Peter
C. Abdul “Duke” Fakir, Roquel Payton, Theo Peoples, Ronnie McNeir
D. Nan, Bert, Freddie, Flossie
F. Athos, Porthos, Aramis, D’Artagnan
G. John, Paul, George, Ringo

John Lennon got into trouble for saying that the Beatles were more popular than. . . .

A. Elvis
B. Jesus
C. Coca-Cola
D. the President
E. Anyone
F. they ought to be
G. Frank Sinatra not-so-hotra

You know you’re semi-good-lookin’. . . .

A. And you got something good cookin’
B. And on the streets again
C. You little angel, you
D. Or at least you think you’re swell
E. You probably think this song is about you
F. And I’m totally good-lookin’
G. But the mirror crack’d and so did I

What builds strong bodies 12 ways?

A. Flintstones vitamins
B. The Buttmaster
C. Spaghetti-Os
D. Wonder Bread
E. Minute Maid Orange Juice
F. Borden Milk
G. Bubba’s Special Cod Liver Oil

Before he was Yusuf Islam, he was…

A. Cat Stevens
B. Roy Orbison
C. Gene Autry
D. Rudolph Valentino
E. Fabian
F. Mickey Mantle
G. Cassius Clay

Pogo, the comic strip character, said, “We have met the enemy and…”

A. It’s you
B. He is us
C. It’s the Grinch
D. He wasn’t home
E. He’s really me
F. We quit
G. He surrendered

Good night, Gracie.

A. Good night, Chet.
B. Sleep well!
C. Good night, Irene.
D. Good night, George
E. See you later, alligator
F. Until tomorrow
G. Bye! *waving*

You’ll wonder where the yellow went…

A. When you use Tide
B. When you lose your crayons
C. When you clean your tub
D. If you paint the room blue
E. If you buy a soft water tank
F. When you use Lady Clairol
G. When you brush your teeth with Pepsodent

Before he was the Skipper’s Little Buddy, Bob Denver was Dobie’s friend…

A. Stuart Whitman
B. Randolph Scott
C. Steve Reeves
D. Maynard G. Krebs
E. Eddie Haskell
F. Danny Rugg
G. The Fonz

Liar, liar…

A. You’re a liar
B. Your nose is growing
C. Pants on fire
D. Join the choir
E. Jump up higher
F. On the wire
G. I’m telling Mom

Meanwhile, back in Metropolis, Superman fights a neverending battle for truth, justice, and…

A. Wheaties
B. Lois Lane
C. TV ratings
D. World peace
E. Red tights
F. The American way
G. News headlines

Hey, kids! What time is it?

A. It’s time for Yogi Bear
B. It’s time to do your homework
C. It’s Howdy Doody Time
D. It’s time for The Banana Splits! La-la-la
E. It’s bedtime
F. The Mighty Mouse Hour
G. Later than you think

Lions and tigers and bears…

A. Yikes
B. Oh no
C. Gee whiz
D. I’m scared
E. Oh my
F. Help! Help!
G. Let’s run

Bob Dylan advised us never to trust anyone…

A. Over 40
B. Wearing a uniform
C. Carrying a briefcase
D. Over 30
E. You don’t know
F. Who says, ‘Trust me’
G. Who eats tofu

NFL quarterback who appeared in a television commercial wearing pantyhose?

A. Troy Aikman
B. Kenny Stabler
C. Joe Namath
D. Roger Staubach
E. Joe Montana
F. Steve Young
G. John Elway

Brylcreem:

A. Smear it on
B. You’ll smell great
C. Tame that cowlick
D. Greaseball heaven
E. It’s a dream
F. We’re your team
G. A little dab’ll do ya

I found my thrill…

A. Taking a little green pill
B. With my man, Bill
C. Down at the mill
D. Over the windowsill
E. With thyme and dill
F. Too late to enjoy
G. On Blueberry Hill

Before Robin Williams, Peter Pan was played by

A. Clark Gable
B. Mary Martin
C. Doris Day
D. Errol Flynn
E. Sally Field
F. Jim Carrey
G. Jay Leno

I wonder, wonder, who:

A. Who ate the leftovers?
B. Who did the laundry?
C. Was it you?
D. Who wrote the book of love?
E. Who I am?
F. Passed the test?
G. Knocked on the door?

I’m strong to the finish…

A. Cause I eats my broccoli
B. Cause I eats me spinach
C. Cause I lift weights
D. Cause I’m the hero
E. And don’t you forget it
F. Cause Olive Oyl loves me
G. To outlast Bruto

When it’s least expected, you’re elected, you’re the star today…

A. Smile, you’re on Candid Camera
B. Smile, you’re on Star Search
C. Smile, you won the lottery
D. Smile, we’re watching your reality show
E. Smile, it could be worse
F. Smile, you’re a hit
G. Smile, you’re on TV

What do M & M’s do?

A. Make your tummy happy
B. Melt in your mouth, not in your pocket
C. Make you fat
D. Melt your heart
E. Make you popular
F. Melt in your mouth, not in your hand
G. Walk and talk

When Samantha just couldn’t stand it any more, she twitched her. . . .

A. Fingers
B. Eyelids
C. Nose
D. Fanny
E. Eyebrows
F. Darrin
G. How dare you ask me to put a dirty word in my answer

If you don’t know the answers . . . well, it’s probably just as well, if you’re still well when you finish. You really need a do-over!

Stress control by carb-loading on the credit cards

As the song says, “Life is unfair!”

It is SO unfair that I saw this eBay listing too late to bid on the SNAKE BROOCH.

But I *did* get a Cthulu octopus necklace. Sterling silver, it claims to be.

RESOLVED: I must not handle stress by surfing eBay. This has replaced handling stress by eating peanut butter crackers and/or “dietetic” snacks that weren’t helping me lose weight. But still, it isn’t gonna work long-term.

Short-term, it’s a blast.

Look at THIS.

Brings back memories of the old Sun Rexall Drugs and the five-and-ten (that was what we had before Dollar stores.)

Who wouldn’t want THESE?

Must . . . not . . . update . . . search . . . page

Hooray! Mama’s lungs look clear!

YAY! We just got a call from the doctor (I finally paged him) and he called the radiology department (who hadn’t sent anything to him or called him)–and they say the films look exactly like they did in March, so go ahead and take the steroids! She was so stunned that she hung up then . . . and then asked me what I thought that meant.

“It’s good, of course! No spots or whatnot. Your lungs aren’t perfect, and you still have COPD and asthma and thus some damage, but hey, they look okay!”

She just fell over with relief. Then she wanted me to start counting out those pills. She takes four pills twice a day today and tomorrow. That’s a LOT of prednisone. But I told her, “First I’m gonna announce to my LJ posse. They are thinking of you!”

“Thank them for me!”

*whew*

Now, if she just gets to FEELING better. These infections are beasts. . . .

(And I just won an eBay auction for a replacement battery charger for our digital camera. Found this morning that the battery was zonked and the charger was nowhere to be found. Hope it’s just the battery and not the camera! But anyhow, maybe I can actually take some photos again now. Not of ME, naturally. Maybe for a “Canyon Creek Daily Photo” blog.)

Thank you all!!

(Even the ones who are only now hearing about it. Thanks for reading.)

My mother’s terrified. . . .

Today at the doctor’s office, he sent us over to get Mama a lung X-ray and other tests to rule out lung cancer. She thought for sure she had walking pneumonia, because she wasn’t getting better from the bronchitis, but when his nurse gave her the breathing test, she coughed up blood. I really don’t feel that it could be *this*, but on the other hand it has been a few hours and we haven’t gotten a call saying that her X-ray was clear (and we’re holding on to a package of steroids to start them as soon as we hear it’s not pneumonia, so they know to call us when they’ve read the film–and always before, they told us as we walked out that she didn’t have water in her lungs. This time, they did two re-takes and just told us to call the doctor later.)

She’s terrified. She has put off her colon cancer recheck (colonoscopy) that was due in February on various pretexts, but she’s been clear for a few years. Still, with this ordeal my cousin’s wife is going through (she’s doing very well and is a model patient, though still in the hospital), my mother is panicky.

She asks for your prayers and good thoughts. Her name is Jodie.

I go in tomorrow to get the results of MY blood work. This morning was the first morning in three weeks I haven’t woken up with double vision (it was lasting for between fifteen and twenty minutes), so maybe the antibiotics and the new glasses and the prayers are all working to restore that to normal. Our theory is that it was caused by persistent high blood glucose (and they said that can last from three weeks to three months in diabetics who go out of control for a long time.) That’s the GOOD answer, at any rate.

But despite all my promises to the Universe that I would not do any more marketing if I could just be healed . . . I went ahead and e-mailed partials to one agent and am mailing partials to a second agent today. My rationale (rationalization) is that these were contacts made and promised months ago, and the agents only just now came back and said, “Okay, I’m ready for you to send the partials.” So that counts as an old obligation I’m fulfilling. If anything comes of it, then so be it. I’m going to suspend further crazy-making marketing efforts for the time being.

Of course, if anything DOES come of these partials, that’ll be a good sign. If it doesn’t, I’m not going to worry. I’m going to forget about them right now. Have more things to concentrate on.

And I’m going to go back and finish the Pundit novel, just for myself.

I’ll be answering everyone’s e-mail and comments later today, assuming I have computer time. It’s just been really hectic around here. Can you believe it’s the end of summer? (Technically, not temperature-wise.)

And now I hope to cobble together a GOOD LJ entry all about how to write humor.

Is it worth trying . . . I know what you’ll say, though

That agent who told me I could send the mystery and Camille’s story in August e-mailed me back yesterday to say I should send the stuff by snailmail and she would try to get to it. She’s been convention-hopping all summer and went on vacation last month, so she’s way behind.

So . . . I just promised myself and the Universe that I would dump this crazy book ambition if I could just be healed so that I could start fixing up this dump and taking care of necessities. I don’t want to renege on that. But maybe this is a sign?

Or maybe it is a temptation.

I don’t know . . . I hate to get back into the frenzy of submissions. On the other hand, this is just two partials to one agent I’ve already talked to. Maybe I could send it and forget about it.

Then again, it’s not as if I need all the coping/happy endorphin stuff sucked out of my body with the wheezing Oreck of false hope. Earlier this year, I was so happy working on the Pundit novel. (Even though there were several of you who didn’t like it, although one or two did.) I enjoyed watching what happened and listening to the banter between my Katherine Hepburn/Spencer Tracy/Greg Kinnear characters and the supporting cast (Eve Arden, Gracie Allen, Kathy Griffin from “My Life on the D-List,” and Totie Fields from back before y’all were born.) And playing with the plot to put in some twists that I think are funny. I was happy . . . until I started sending out the partial and getting slammed to the ground by all those agents (“we don’t DO stuff with any reference to terrorism,” “we don’t DO screwball romantic comedies,” “I can’t sell this”) and the contest judges (who all complained that I didn’t have Kay hurt enough when she sprained her ankle, yet when I added a couple of paragraphs where she admits to him that it hurts and he prods it gently and makes her gasp, they said, “We know he’s going to help her–skip all that.” You can’t please ’em.) So the trouble is not with the writing. It’s with the pleasing of others.

*I* would like to see how the Pundit story turns out. (Actually, I have the ending and the climactic scene with the mole and the evil turncoats already written. I have only to connect the first half of the book with the ending, and I know what I will do, but just got so discouraged with the “what’s the use?” that I quit.)

Sending stuff out is a downer. It’s like turning yourself into a low-hanging piƱata. When you could just go happily on being nobody, which is your destiny. (And taking care of the elderly, and picking up after the fourteen-year-old kid who lives inside the hubby, and coping with the usual stuff of keeping the household [heh, “househole” typo as a Freudian slip] running.)

The apple is being offered. But is it poisoned?

*Fat princess is in another castle; please call back later*

GATHER ye rosebuds–ye Bush is all thorny, so watch out

This story has a happy ending.

But it starts out very alarming. My cousin’s wife, Kris, has been defeating cancer for three years now, ever since she found a small lump–you know the drill. Earlier this year she was completely clear. Three months ago they found that her lungs were “full of small stuff” and started chemo, and two weeks ago they found that her latest difficulties were due to a brain tumor on her brain stem. (!!!) She and my cousin did not call us and tell us this, because “what would be the use of you worrying?” (They were thinking of my mom, because she’s old, I suppose.) But this morning Kris had surgery here in Dallas. The tumor was malignant.

We got the call announcing that news this afternoon while she was still in surgery. We were frantic . . . but by the time we actually got hold of my cousin, he said the surgeon had just come out and said, “We got it all.”

THEY GOT IT ALL!!!!

These are the words you want to hear.

This is the best news possible under these circumstances. Furthermore, when he went in to see her, she asked for her glasses and her reading glasses! She can see, hear, talk, and move (no complications, looked better than they’d expected from the MRI) . . . so I consider this a complete success. In fact, a minor miracle. She’ll have to have radiation. But still!

Anyhow . . . we’re still irritated that no one told us in advance . . . but we can’t be too angry. We’ve arranged to take my cousin to lunch tomorrow after visiting Kris (you can only see ICU patients for something like fifteen minutes every three hours if you’re not the spouse or immediate family.) I think I know a Tex-Mex hole-in-the-wall he’ll like.

My mother and my aunt (my aunt is Kris’s mother-in-law) are simply wiped out now. From first hearing the news that surgery was going on to the time they heard that THEY GOT IT ALL was only about an hour and a half, but trust me–little old ladies can do plenty of suffering, crying, and praying during that time. They’re both exhausted, poor babies.

I suppose it was the right decision to keep from telling them, because they would’ve been basket cases for the past couple of weeks. And that’s why I was kept in the dark like a Portobello ‘shroom–I would have let it slip for sure. I’d have been crying at the sink while rinsing dishes and it would have slipped out. Never tell me stuff like that and then say, “Don’t tell anybody.” *sheepish look*

Man. Oh, man. This just came out of the blue. It was too late today to send a plant by the time we got off the phones, but tomorrow I’ll be sending one. I know how uplifting it is to get a scrawny little African violet when you’re confined to that hospital bed.

In other news, hubby went and ordered new glasses today. At first they said they could do ’em in an hour, but as we strolled the mall they called his cell to say that the lenses were out of stock, and so he’ll be waiting two weeks. He’s squinting at the computer screen even as I type. I told him to go watch teevee or listen to that shiny iPod. I even offered to let him download my playlist, but for some reason he prefers HIS old crappy progressive rock (Just Say NO to ‘Yes’). . . .

I think I need to go to the karaoke bar and belt out a few!!