9706 / 50000 words. 19% done!
I have some introspective stuff in there that people will likely want me to cut, but whatever. It’s what April Bliss is thinking. What a name, huh? One of her earthly burdens to bear. Her sister June is another. . . .
Hmm-m-m. Writing fiction can reveal things about the author that the author doesn’t keep at the surface, things that, really, the author would just as soon not know.
GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:
1) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don’t let her brush your hair.
2) If your sister hits you, don’t hit her back. They always catch the second person.
3) You can’t trust dogs to watch your food.
4) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
5) You can’t hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
6) Don’t wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
7) The best place to be when you’re sad is Grandpa’s or Grandma’s lap.
GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:
1) Fixing teenagers is like nailing jelly to a tree.
2) Wrinkles don’t hurt.
3) Families are like fudge: mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
4) Today’s mighty oak is just yesterday’s nut that held its ground.
5) Laughing is good exercise. It’s like jogging on the inside.
6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.
GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD:
1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
2) Forget the health food. We need all the preservatives we can get.
3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you’re down there.
4) You’re getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
5) It’s frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
6) Time may be a great healer, but it’s a lousy beautician.
7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.
THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:
1) You believe in Santa Claus.
2) You don’t believe in Santa Claus.
3) You are Santa Claus.
4) You look like Santa Claus.
At age 4, success is . . . not tinkling in your pants.
At age 12, success is . . . having friends.
At age 17, success is . . . having a driver’s license.
At age 35, success is . . . having money.
At age 50, success is . . . being at your career pinnacle.
At age 70, success is . . . still having a driver’s license.
At age 75, success is . . . having living friends.
At age 80, success is . . . not tinkling in your pants.
# # #
Let us forget the difficult issues of the day. It is time for us to take a little breath and stop fretting. Rather let us concentrate on such eternally important rules/questions as, “Should the internal loop of the paper clip go on the front or back of the clipped sheets?”