Why We Are Not the WORST Writers Ever

Because THESE people are in competition for first and second place. In the tradition of “let’s mock stuff” week, let’s join the party and check these out.

A hideous e-pubbed erotic romance that just . . . eep:
(* The worst part of that one is when she has the knight and the woman time-travel to present-day South Philly to play “Yo’ Mama” with some presumably African-American gang members . . . it is seriously racist, or else she’s completely clueless, or SOMEthing, as she has the knight say that “Yo’ Mama” was played in medieval times under another name. “Your mother wears army boots,” I suppose, or “Thy mater dons a codpiece!” *ack* *)

A passage that’s so purple it simply . . . ack:
(* One metaphor, OK. Fifty metaphors, overkill! And Yes, it DOES read like a thesaurus mated with a porn flick!! *)

[Heading a circle of my critics off at the pass: why do I believe it’s fair game for us all to goggle and giggle at these writers’ works? Because those are published books that are being held up to be measured against the works of Steinbeck, Fitzgerald, Vonnegut, Sinclair Lewis, Alice Walker, et alia. The authors know these books are going out to be judged. Queries sent as private mail with no expectation that they’ll be judged are not intended for public consumption. That’s what’s different.

When my books come out, feel free to quote passages and question my sanity. As Mae West or someone equally wise once said, “Ain’t no such thing as bad publicity.”]

And THIS is too funny not to look at if you think the “Twilight” books are a little wacky or “off.” (They drive the cause of feminism back 200 years, for one thing.) It’s an “explanation” of the books that’s a satire. Even if you LOVE the books, I dare you not to laugh at the woman’s tattoo. *snrrrk*

Oh, and the right to speak anonymously, online or offline, is Constitutionally protected in the USA. Just thought I might mention that.


Author: shalanna

Shalanna: rhymes with "Madonna" and "I wanna," and is not a soundalike with "Hosanna" or "Sha-Na-Na." Aging hippie with long hair, husband, elderly mother, and yappy Pomeranian. I've been writing since I could hold a crayon. I started with fiction, which Mama said was "lying." “Don’t tell stories,” she would admonish, in Southern vernacular. “That's all in your imagination!” When grownups said this, they were not approving. So, shamed, I stopped telling stories for a few years--rather, I stopped letting anyone read them. I'm married to a fellow computer nerd who doesn't really like hearing about writing, but who reads sf/fantasy and understands the creative drive. I'm actually a nonconformist/hippie still wearing bluejeans and drop earrings and the Alice-in-Wonderland hair with headbands and sandals. Favorite flavor is chocolate/orange, favorite color is either Dreamsicle orange (cantaloupe) or bubble-gum pink, favorite musical is either Bye Bye Birdie, Rocky Horror, or The Producers . . . wait, I also love The Music Man. Is this getting way too specific and irrelevant yet? Obvious why I don't sell a ton of flash fiction, isn't it? To define oneself, I always say, it is good to make a list. How about a booklist? Harper Lee, To Kill a Mockingbird Frank and Ernestine Gilbreth, Cheaper by the Dozen C.S.Lewis, The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe (all the Narnia books) J.R.R.Tolkien,The Hobbit/LORD OF THE RINGS trilogy Gail Godwin, The Odd Woman F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Great Gatsby J. D. Salinger, Catcher in the Rye (before dismissing it, actually read it) George Orwell, 1984 Kurt Vonnegut, Cat's Cradle Donna Tartt, The Secret History Mark Twain, The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn James Allen, As A Man Thinketh Mark Winegardner, Elvis Presley Boulevard James Thurber, My Life and Hard Times The Wizard of Oz, L. Frank Baum Winnie-the-Pooh/House at Pooh Corner, A. A. Milne Peter Pan, J. M. Barrie The KJV and NIV Bible (each translation has its glories)

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