Ruined, simply ruined

I can’t work on the new mystery (you know, _Murder at the Tree-Trimming Contest_ or whatever it’s called) because every time I open a file to write, a scene comes out in which Our Heroines are being vied for by troupes of evil villains playing “Yo’ Mama” to win their virtue. (After all, the author of That Book did have the knight say that the game dates from the time of ancient Rome!) Either it’s the Fatshionistas vs Ancient Roman gladiators (“Yo’ mama is so fat she has to iron her pants on the DRIVEWAY!” as yelled by Zero Mostel out of “A Funny Thing Happened On the Way to the Forum” against “Yo’ mama is so nasty she makes Speed Stick slow down and Right Guard turn left” as shouted by the cast of “Hairspray”) or it’s a tough South Side rapper crew (as stereotypical as a Smurfette is blue) vs. the Knights who Until Quite Recently Said “Ni.” Either way, it’s too hideous to recount. I blame it on recent readings of that wicked e-book.

I must banish it by writing the history of the world in Pig Latin, backwards. Just wait until I find the agent who specializes in THAT.


Author: shalanna

Shalanna: rhymes with "Madonna" and "I wanna," and is not a soundalike with "Hosanna" or "Sha-Na-Na." Aging hippie with long hair, husband, elderly mother, and yappy Pomeranian. I've been writing since I could hold a crayon. I started with fiction, which Mama said was "lying." “Don’t tell stories,” she would admonish, in Southern vernacular. “That's all in your imagination!” When grownups said this, they were not approving. So, shamed, I stopped telling stories for a few years--rather, I stopped letting anyone read them. I'm married to a fellow computer nerd who doesn't really like hearing about writing, but who reads sf/fantasy and understands the creative drive. I'm actually a nonconformist/hippie still wearing bluejeans and drop earrings and the Alice-in-Wonderland hair with headbands and sandals. Favorite flavor is chocolate/orange, favorite color is either Dreamsicle orange (cantaloupe) or bubble-gum pink, favorite musical is either Bye Bye Birdie, Rocky Horror, or The Producers . . . wait, I also love The Music Man. Is this getting way too specific and irrelevant yet? Obvious why I don't sell a ton of flash fiction, isn't it? To define oneself, I always say, it is good to make a list. How about a booklist? Harper Lee, To Kill a Mockingbird Frank and Ernestine Gilbreth, Cheaper by the Dozen C.S.Lewis, The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe (all the Narnia books) J.R.R.Tolkien,The Hobbit/LORD OF THE RINGS trilogy Gail Godwin, The Odd Woman F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Great Gatsby J. D. Salinger, Catcher in the Rye (before dismissing it, actually read it) George Orwell, 1984 Kurt Vonnegut, Cat's Cradle Donna Tartt, The Secret History Mark Twain, The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn James Allen, As A Man Thinketh Mark Winegardner, Elvis Presley Boulevard James Thurber, My Life and Hard Times The Wizard of Oz, L. Frank Baum Winnie-the-Pooh/House at Pooh Corner, A. A. Milne Peter Pan, J. M. Barrie The KJV and NIV Bible (each translation has its glories)

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