Fame, fortune, and an ad in Variety!
But that isn’t why I’m here today.
Cute dog NOT panting (after being bathed)
So why am I beating my head against the impassive rocks of NY publishing, sobbing about never getting published, when I already have more than they have? It defies logic.
I need to just GET OVER that. I need to resolve that it’s OK to just put CAMILLE, MIRANDA, and the two mystery series (four books in all) online for those who like “this kind of book” to download. Although I still believe with all my so-called heart that the Marfa Lights novel is just as good as the “average” traditional category mysteries that are on the shelves, I’ll never have the chance to prove it, so why not invite the audience that I *can* have? Sure, it’ll lead to a lot of talk about how the stuff just isn’t good enough to get an agent, etc., but that’s going on already. I just need to release that need to prove something–whatever–and accept what Is. I’d still like to put the books out there, and if that’s puffery, so be it. If I could just get past the thought that this is giving up, giving in, and admitting defeat.
I need to release the notion that my work needs someone to anoint it, to accept it, to say that it’s “good” by some “standard.” (Scare quotes intentional.) Am I there yet? I don’t think I am, quite.
*Even if it were true, that SHOULD be cold comfort, eh?*
*I suppose not*