Business as usual, around here.
Today she’s having a Doppler (sonogram) of her renal artery, because the doctors think perhaps it has narrowed (stenosis) and that this could be the cause of her continued pain and elevated blood pressure. If the kidneys aren’t getting the blood they’re supposed to get . . . it could explain a lot. So today, fasting and the test at 3PM. As always, she appreciates your prayers, positive thoughts, and good energy sendings.
They also said yesterday that she STILL needs to, um, go potty, and needs to change her diet. I am seriously considering ordering that NutriSystem stuff for diabetics and having her go on that for a month, with judicious additions of fresh foods. Because I am simply unable to cook foods that (1) are what she’s supposed to be eating and (2) that she’ll eat (and not just stir around and throw away) and (3) that she CAN eat (with her dental deficiencies, she can’t chew salads, crunchy foods, and a number of other essentials.) Maybe that insta-stuff would allow us to simulate the diet she was getting in the hospital. I know it’s going to have preservatives and more salt than we want, but it’s got to be better than I’m doing now.
The doctor hit me from out of left field by saying he wants me to dump all my current diabetes meds, despite my good H1c score of 5.1, and go on the injected monitor-lizard-venom drug Byetta. At first I laughed, as he knows I hate shots and can’t abide sticking my finger for blood sugar testing, let alone give myself shots on purpose. But he was very insistent that he’d been putting his fat people on Byetta, even when they weren’t diabetic, and that it was making them lose weight. Why, his other Problem Child Case went on it and lost 23 lbs in three weeks! *facepalm* I told him that if I started a diet, I’d lose 10 lbs the first week in water alone (this always happens–I promise) and easily lose 25 lbs in three weeks. It’s the rest of it, and keeping it off, that is the problem. I am a comfort/compulsion eater, and what I need is some success and some good luck to feed on–that’s what the extra food is replacing. Also, I’ve noticed that if I cheat and have some “illegal” food, it is far more satisfying than twice as much of the crap food; I have such a limited “allowed” list that I wonder why I don’t have scurvy.
Now, I’m fat. We all know this. But I’ve been under terrible pressure and stress. It’s not just the stress of pimping my book in that contest all the time and following the numbers, or of doing queries and market research, or of continuing to write on various novels that I have no hope of getting published. It’s mostly the home life. I am not constitutionally designed as a combination nurse/ counselor/ cook/ garbage truck, yet I have had to serve as one for a few weeks now, because Mama has been weak and whiny and messed up. I’ve been doing the fast-food thing and haven’t been eating right. He says I’ve gained ten pounds since my last six-month checkup, but all this means is that (1) I’m waterlogged (he doesn’t believe that I can have 10 lbs of water in here, but I can) and (2) I’m back at the same weight I was before I did Medifast last year. It’s kind of a setpoint where my body likes to settle. It’s a confused li’l thing, having a setpoint way up there, but there you have it.
I told him that I didn’t want to make a change in medication that is working to maintain my sugars at a good level when it’s just for the sake of losing a few pounds. I explained that what I need is perhaps a counselor or psychologist. He explained that the insurance people probably won’t pay even if he does a referral, and he doesn’t know anyone to refer me to anyway. But he’s gotten panicked now about my losing weight–after years of not being that concerned, although my weight is still about the same–because now he sees Mama having heart problems and he knows that Daddy died of a heart attack . . . you know the drill.
We’re going back in to see him on Friday (Mama is tinkling into a jar as well as doing these other tests), and I told the nurse I’d talk about it again then. But I suspect he’ll say he’s going to write the Byetta and not renew my Metformin.
So now I’m facing the loss of my diabetes meds in addition to all this mess with Mama’s health. And the usual everyday stuff on top of that. Man!
But I’m not *stressed* or nothin’.